


What kind of conundrum is this?

by ReizJaruu13



Series: Akashi-kun's Wrath Escapee: Kuroko Tetsuya [2]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Akashi-kun the tissues are just right at the corner, Crack, Fluff, Humor, If you would like to wipe your nose, M/M, Too much sweetness that your pancreas will digest themselves, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 14:14:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7225693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReizJaruu13/pseuds/ReizJaruu13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sent from: Akashi-kun<br/>Message body: What kind of conundrum is this? Tetsuya, please enlighten me at the recurrent circumstance. I announce an appeal for you to demystify immediately. And anyway, is that...?</p><p>Sent to: Akashi-kun<br/>Message body: Oh, Furihata-kun? In a female Rakuzan uniform? Yes. Yes, it is. Mibuchi-san helped us finding one. Apparently, he also wants to see 'how adorable and cute Kouki-chan would be!!! /(*^*)\'. However, I fail to comprehend as to why you still need to message me when in fact you're just in front of our gym.</p><p>Or AkaFuri exists and Seirin & Rakuzan ship the shit out of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What kind of conundrum is this?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Anne_Garbo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anne_Garbo/gifts), [Arudon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arudon/gifts).



> Hi guys! So I have this very new work — a piece of crap actually — and I still have a lot of pending works to update.
> 
> Who's irresponsible? Huh, me. XDDDDDD
> 
> Well, have fun reading.
> 
> (Work may or may not be subjected to furthermore editings, thank you)

*

 

Sent from: Akashi-kun  
Message body: I've ascertained you're having an open school festival.

 

Kuroko Tetsuya was not a person who reads messages secretly in between his classes. But Akashi-kun had always been an exception.

 

"We're having an open school festival!" Their home room president announced. Kuroko tried not to think about the extent and precision of his former captain's fostering abilities.

 

To: Akashi-kun  
Message body: Yes. It seems like we're having one, Akashi-kun.

 

"This time, the festival will be for promoting the school's clubs! So if anyone here doesn't belong to a certain club, you'll be assigned at cleaning the school grounds instead."

 

*

 

"We need new uniforms," Aida's voice boomed inside the walls of the Seirin basketball gym, creating some sort of dramatic echo. "The school is willing to donate for the expenses needed," she added, voice as flat as her chest, "yet since our annual festival is approaching, they are forced to cut the budget short and instead settled of paying half of the amount they previously offered."

 

There's collective groan of despair, sorrow and misery heard amidst the suffering faces of the Seirin basketball club members.

 

"But we won the Winter Cup as champions," Koganei whined and pouted like a child neglected of his sweets after his twenty-fifth candy.

 

Their coach's eyebrows twitched in agreement, even she was just as forlorn as the rest of the team. This will be her last year spent with them and the least that she could do for now is to ensure that his boys were at better hands. Even Kiyoshi, who was probably in his therapy right now, will be upset. Too bad he's not here to lighten up the gloomy mood of his team mates anymore.

 

"So, what do we do?" Kawahara inquired, looking so lost and utterly disoriented. How more would he look lost and utterly disoriented when he knew that the world is ending?

 

A ghost of smirk played at the corners of the brunette's lips, "Then... we'll get the rest of the money from the festival."

 

Apparently, their school fest was about featuring and promoting their clubs. 

 

The solution sounded logical. The devious glint in her eyes, however, spoke a different story. Everyone visibly gulped, others looked pale and malnourished (deprived from the benefits given by an actual sleep and proper rest) and some were already saying their prayers to the deities, to Kami, to the aliens, to anyone breathing and guiding from above. After all, no one disobey Aida Riko if she was this determined and incredibly compassionate. Anything for her boys.

 

*

 

"A maid cafe?" Tsuchida curiously asked.

 

This appeared to be a sane suggestion, especially coming from their coach who usually was the root and the queen of preposterous and impossible ideals and beliefs. But hey, no one could call it stupid if it works, right? Ridiculous but still efficient that is.

 

"That sounds reasonable," Hyuuga agreed, volunteering all of his wonderful knowledge before he finally resigned from his position as the captain. "Kagami and Mitobe could cook well. We could use the fund for buying the necessary ingredients."

 

"B-But, coach!" It was Furihata. The one who was still working on straightening his tongue (and his sexuality too, no matter how difficult it would be) and practicing syllables without his typical stutter. Apparently, the struggling boy had took his 'improving of one's own personality' to another level.

 

"Yes?" Aida's eyes snapped at his direction, causing Furihata to coil immediately in shock. A delicate fawn, the coach reminded herself, no abrupt movements and no too loud sounds.

 

Still hiding in his cocoon of low self-esteem and lack of self-worth, the first year point-guard gradually traced his eyes to meet Aida's intense ones and all but squeaked, "B-But aren't cafes too... m-mainstream?"

 

"Ooooh." She said, realizing that Furihata had a point too. They could earn some cash for the club's purpose, yes. But would it be enough to suffice the amount needed for their new unforms? Huh. Of course not. So Aida here will furiously brainstorm for the next five minutes and see what her brain could conjure.

 

The whole team, who is gathered and seated in a tight semi-circle, stared at her expectantly. They looked as if she was the one who held the final piece of a puzzle, which was true in some ways. After all, only Kami knew what will happen if these rowdy boys were forced on a journey without her. Well, they would be someday but definitely not right now.

 

"Maybe we could tack something on instead of just er... a plain maid cafe," that was surprisingly from Kagami, who was at the very back of the huddle, unexpectedly quiet and almost forgotten in the middle of the whole planning.

 

"And besides..." This was from Hyuuga, "how could we call it as a maid cafe when we barely even have a girl for the outfit?"

 

Someone coughed. Riko was suspiciously caressing her throat, looking like a fist-sized stone had made a domicile right at the flap of her esophagus, "I'm a girl? I could wear one?"

 

"Well yes, but you're better off wearing a butlers— uh... uniform— because ah... coach." Unsurprisingly, Kagami said that.

 

Everyone must have took the hint already. With Kagami doing the honor and sacrifice of pointing out the obvious, Kuroko doubts if they could ever escape the court in one piece and unscathed anymore. Leave it to Kagami-kun on making things harder than the way they should be. If this situation continues without anyone who'll intervene (and therefore risk their own life and future), then Aida-san will be the only one who'll get to exit the gym by the end of this meeting.

 

Aida cackled delicately, the kind of laugh only she could pull off while looking like the spawn of Hell, "Oh? What is it, Kagami-kun?"

 

Bakagami-kun must have noticed already. But Bakagami-kun was known for his brutal honesty. He'll dignify his principle even when his life was at stake, "B-Because, ah, maid uniforms are especially made to outline curves and make them look attractive but uh... you have..." none.

 

"Aida-san!"

 

The coach temporarily spared the ace's life and in turn focused her murderous glare towards Kuroko, the ominousity of her aura was never waning. The shadow subtly gulped, he can't afford to lack ideas right now.

 

Holding her gaze evenly, Kuroko calmly suggested, "How about we change outfits everyday for the rest of the festival? Or we could also decide our clothes according to the choice of our guests? We could wear attires most people didn't commonly see us wearing."

 

The girl was considering the notion for a moment.

 

"Oh, like cross-dressing? Because I could certainly make our dear ladies cross with the way I dress." Clearly, anyone who had mentioned this was probably seeking for a portway to Hell for himself. Or for all of them.

 

Kuroko could sympathize that Izuki-senpai had just said this good-naturedly and with the intention of it being interpreted as good-natured. It's just a joke anyway.

 

"Hmmm..." the coach looked dangerously happy, her demeanor gradually changing into something far more terrifying.

 

Some jokes were half meant. The smouldering fire hidden beneath Aida's hazelnut orbs told a tale of penance and self-sacrifice.

 

"That's not... a bad idea..." she contemplated soundly as she eyed a certain, unsuspecting brown head who was squirming uncomfortably from her not so subtle gaze.

 

Why haven't she thought of this before?

 

*

 

"As I said, from our main objective of constructing a maid cafe for the annual school feast, we could just as well branch it off with other gimmicks to make our theme even more interesting."

 

Ideas kept sprouting from her head as if she hadn't been mourning from the whiteness of their whiteboard just awhile ago. She scribbled words after words as agile as the speed of light. The rest of the team could just stare dumbly at the larger and whiteboard version of a doctor's NEAT and well-distinguished handwriting.

 

"We could stage a performance if we reach a certain quota for our tips. Also, as for Kuroko's credit, we could wear clothes people didn't see us wearing often," she giggled twistedly.

 

"And that's where the cross-dressing takes place."

 

A sacred moment of holy silence passed before the whole room erupted into chaos.

 

"But coach, that's impossible! Where do we get all the costumes?"

 

"Oh no, I can't do it, Aida-san!"

 

"People will laugh at me! What will be the becoming of my barely there reputation?"

 

"That will be very embarassing!"

"My girlfriend would never let me live this down."

 

"That's the thing!" The coach magnanimously bellowed, authority still oozing from her soul. "They get to pay us a generous amount of bills at the expense of our noble efforts!"

 

"I don't get to see why wearing a skirt is a noble effort," Furihata mumbled distantly, withered eyes looking far, far away and brooding how much dignity will he lose until the end of the festival.

 

"And now that it's settled," as if anyone could directly or indirectly decline, "We start discussing the attires."

 

The Seirin basketball club waited for the divine tragedy to happen with their breath baited.

 

*

 

Since Kagami and Mitobe were cooking, the remainder of the team will be the waiters. Graciously ignoring the coach's grumbles of 'I can cook too you know,' 'this is suppose to be a girl's job,' and 'my cooking could possibly empower humanity if legally encouraged,' they proceeded on debating over what set of togs will they use.

 

"Maid outfits?"

 

The only girl in the club hummed in approval, jotting the suggestion intelligently on the mini-board like it's been her business for the past ten years, "Obviously, as the name of our cafe says."

 

"Obviously," Kuroko heard one of his teammates muttered (it was from Kawahara), the tone of one's speech depicting nothing but pure, unconcealed agony, "We're doomed."

 

'Not yet,' Kuroko thought to himself.

 

"If we're talking about cross dressing, then how about actual dresses?" Kagami inquired, blissfully ignorant from his friend's torment. The fact that the cooks weren't really required to wear something flashy and frilly and sickeningly girly because they'll just be at the back corner anyway had absolutely nothing to do with it.

 

"I'm surprised you're contributing a lot of useful ideas, Kagami-kun," Aida announced, writing some more, "Not bad."

 

"Um, we could also have uniforms? School uniforms for instance?" Fukuda meekly added.

 

"Like school GIRL uniforms?" Hyuuga gasped in a manly manner, as expected from a man of masculinity like him (something that's about to be dispersed anytime soon).

 

"Ah!" Izuki exclaimed, hammering his right fist on his left palm, "how about the uniforms from other actual schools?"

 

"That's impossible," Aida argued. "That means we still have to discern what schools the lot of the students who'll attend the festival came from--" and then she suddenly stopped, universal peace seemed to dawn before her eyes.

 

"Nevermind," she claimed as an afterthought, "Anyway, is there any more concepts?"

 

Koganei raised a hesitant hand.

 

"Wait... Where do we get all of these again?" He asked as Mitobe nodded all along, thinking passages as synchronized as ever.

 

"I don't have the equipments," she admitted, watching how her team sagged their shoulders before smiling serenely, "But I have a faithful cosplayer of a friend who probably have all we need."

 

*

 

It was when the team were filing out (unscathed and in one piece, thankfully) that Aida approached Kuroko, something undescribable twinkling in her brownish orbs.

 

"May I have a word with you, Kuroko-kun?"

 

"Why of course, Aida-sempai."

 

*

 

As it turned out, there's still enough money left on their budget after estimating the expenditures for the ingredients to rent some custom made liveries for all of them. The rest of the attires were borrowed from their coach's overenthusiastic friend who swore that she'll be coming in her costume too to watch them. Fortunately, she's a rather tall woman (Aida's not jealous, not at all) that all her clothes could probably fit almost all of them. Besides they're already her old ones, seeing that she'd been having newer suits tailored.

 

And now, a few hours before their grand opening.

 

"NOOOOOOO!" One, pitiful guy with dark brown hair moaned in the distance, flying to the other side of the court with passion and determination. If Furihata Kouki could just run like that in actual matches.

 

"Come on, Furi! It's just a corset! It doesn't bite!" Kawahara encouraged, displaying the forbidden material in plain sight. Furihata didn't even have enough courage to face it.

 

"You're saying that because you'll never wear them!" He yelled at a rich distance, voice reverberatin throughout the walls of the gym, "Why do I get to suffer and you're not?!"

 

True, Kawahara and Fukuda had been informed that they don't have to be drag queens (to Izuki's credit) anymore too because the rest of the boys needed assistance after all.

 

"It's alright, Furihata-kun," Kuroko consoled, having difficulty maintaining stoicism as Fukuda tied his own corset. Corsets doesn't indeed bite, it will just tenderly crush your ribs and destroy your kidneys. "It's for the future of the team."

 

The basketball court was magically turned into something heart-warming and cozy. The coach may not be that well in the cooking area but who knows she'd redeemed it when it comes to aesthetics? There were the rented wooden tables and chairs that looked even more soft and comfy with mantels of intricate designs. Potted bonsai plants were placed in the corners of the makeshift cafe. They had a stylish floormat and other decorations that made the atmosphere relaxing too.

 

Koganei was fortuitously okay with the matter, humming while clasping the hook on his overly frilly and way too short skirt. Izuki and Hyuuga, however, were a different case. Kuroko watched as the coach chased the life out of them.

 

"—but the crickets grimly sound at the fall of their prince! Hold thy hand upon his chest, a heart broken ever since— ooomph!" Izuki stopped as he ate a mouthful of embroidered apron.

 

"You can steal everything but my dignity as a man!" Hyuuga proclaimed.

 

"Stop acting like kids, morons!" The look in Aida's face was foreboding enough to have the both of them changing into the rest of their costumes peacefully.

 

*

 

During the festival.

 

"A maid cafe?! But sempaaaaaaaaii~~~!" Kise complained loudly at a flyer like the occassional brat he is, about to throw a tantrum episode any brat of all ages will be proud of, "Why do they have such amazing concept for the festivaaaaaal?"

 

A swipe on the head. "Don't be such a whiny prat, bastard."

 

"But I wanted to see you in one of those too! Aaaah~ And now I can't wait to see how Kurokocchi looks like! Ha, ha!"

 

"Shut up."

 

"Ooooh, you don't have to be such a pissy, Kasa! The reason that we're here is to unwind right? The stress of the finals is surely beating me. Hey! Maybe we could find cute girls here too—"

 

"You too, Moriyama."

 

"Aaaawe, it's such a shame Kobori-sempai and Hayakawa-senpai can't go with us— wait, oh my god."

 

"Kise?" Kasamatsu asked the dumbstrucked teen, "Oi, Kise, what's wrong—"

 

"Is that Izuki Shun? The Seirin's Point Guard?" Kise quietly mumbled, catching the sole attention of Moriyama.

 

"Oh? Where? Where?" The taller upperclassman questioned, gaze flickering back and forth to search for his self-proclaimed 'soulmate'.

 

Kise stared at the direction of the basketball gym. Amidst the sea of crowd was Izuki Shun, gesturing the guests outside to come in. And he's wearing something Moriyama had only fantasised in his dreams. A maid uniform. Knowing about it was shocking enough, but nothing — for the love of Kami — prepared him on witnessing it before his bare eyes.

 

"Oh god," Kise whispered in wonder, "he looked really adorable—"

 

"Nope! No, no, no! I love you as my kouhai, Kise-kun but he's mine!"

 

*

 

Once the girls from his section finally rediscovered his existence, they forced Kuroko into various forms of toggeries. Quietly sighing at Kagami-kun's mirthful laughing (he's just wearing a butler's uniform), he casted a sideways glance at the other first year who was experiencing the same, pathetic dilemma.

 

Furihata-kun was now wearing a floral dress, spontaneously surprising everyone that he actually looked good in a girl's clothing.

 

"Who would have thought you'll look so good in a dress, Furihata-kun?" The shadow heard one of the girls squealed to the flustered brunette.

 

'My mother?' The dark haired boy mentally suggested, briefly reliving a childhood memory of her crooning mother while an innocent, seven year old version of himself paraded the living room with her old blouse that fell just above his knees.

 

It was the a vibration from his phone that ripped Kuroko from his musings.

 

From: Akashi-kun  
Message body: We're at Tokyo right now. I'll be coming in any moment.

 

And that's when the plan went into place.

 

"Furihata-kun, may I ask you to wear this?"

 

"U—Um, y-yes of course why no—" he shrieked in surprise at the new attire presented before him, expression that of someone who had seen a ghost. "I-Is that— a Rakuzan's female uniform?" It's like a demon had just graced his presence.

 

It was what Aida-san had told him the last day. Being unexpectedly friends with Mibuchi-san in facebook had proven convinient in desperate times like this. And along with the success of their festival came Rakuzan's wishes of finally connecting their lonesome, in-denial captain with his one, true love. At least Akashi could finally stop with his lovestruck sighing during practices.

 

("The sexual tension between them during our last match was so thick even Nigou can feel it," Aida massaged her temples as she narrated the destiny of her poor, clueless kouhai.

 

"Well, I don't want it to look like we're exploiting Akashi through using Furihata-kun."

 

"Don't worry, Aida-sempai. I'm pretty sure Akashi-kun will collect the exact worth of his... future contributions.")

 

"Kurokocchi!!!"

 

Kuroko heaved a breath. Just as when he's dealing with another brat in the Generation of Miracles.

 

*

 

Sent from: Akashi-kun  
Message body: What kind of conundrum is this? Tetsuya, please enlighten me at the recurrent circumstance. I announce an appeal for you to demystify immediately. And anyway, is that...?

 

Sent to: Akashi-kun  
Message body: Oh, Furihata-kun? In a female Rakuzan uniform? Yes. Yes, it is. Mibuchi-san helped us finding one. Apparently, he also wants to see 'how adorable and cute Kouki-chan would be!!! /(*^*)\'. However, I fail to comprehend as to why you still need to message me when in fact you're just in front of our gym.

 

Sent to: Akashi-kun  
Message body: Are you alright, Akashi-kun? You looked pale in the distance, do I need to deliver you some water?

 

Sent from: Akashi-kun  
Message body: I'm fine, Tetsuya, that's so kind of you. However, can I request the accurate cost if I ever want Furihata-kun to accompany me for the whole day?"

 

Sent to: Akashi-kun  
Message body: In a moment, please.

 

*

 

Considering that Furihata-kun's denseness was highly comparable to that of a rock in the ancient age of dinosaurs, the first few hours of their 'date' had been uneventful and awkward.

 

Yet eventually, both of them started warming up to each other (not the kind done in bed, but Kuroko believed they'll be getting there anytime soon). The rest of the team not-so-subtly observed how Akashi-kun and Furihata-kun chatted at the private corner of the cafe. Mibuchi-san was still on his life mission on forcing Kuroko to call him 'Reo-nee' while the other uncrowned kings mulled over the absence of Kiyoshi-sempai that they can't pay him to wear the clothes displayed at the counter. Hayama-san and Nebuya-san inhaled what's atop their table like it's nobody's business.

 

*

 

"Um— ano... it's nice seeing you around here, A—Akashi-kun. I hope I'm not bothering you a-at all," Furihata Kouki timidly said, plucking a lock of his hair at the corner of his left ear.

 

"Not at all, Furihata-kun. It had been a pleasure spending time with you..." Akashi uttered with the best congeniality, willing his rapidly pulsing heart to stabilize immediately.

 

"I'm... I'm going to be glad having y-you around more then—"

 

"So, would you like us to meet up yet again?"

 

A gasp, "I-I wouldn't mind! If that's w-what you'd like!"

 

"Very well. I hope it's not too much if I ask for your number—"

 

"N-Nope! N-Not at all! H-Here!"

 

They exchanged phone numbers in a moment.

 

"I'll call you sometime. Have a good day, Furihata-kun."

 

"Y-You too, Akashi-kun."

 

When Akashi was off to find his teammates and securely out of earshot, Fukuda appeared with a wide, teasing smile, "Sooooo~ How was the day for you, lover boy?"

 

"Y-You're spying us?!" Furihata clutched the skirt of his Rakuzan uniform tightly for support.

 

He squawked some more as the rest of the team showed themselves from where they were previously hiding and proceeded to interrogate him.

 

*

 

In the end, Akashi almost sponsored the amount they were striving to achieve. Due to a panickly flailing and stubbornly insisting Furihata Kouki, the redhead was coerced to cut his payment by a quarter, much to Aida's chagrin. Kuroko's classmates and Moriyama-san had also contributed, thanks to Izuki-sempai who was laying tiredly at one of the tables and about to sleep the remaining of the days off. The Kaijou players walked out the establishment satisfied, forcibly dragging a sulking blonde in tow.

 

The food was great too, according to the customers. The menu were mostly composed of desserts. There were cupcakes, pies, frosted cakes and ice creams.

 

Everything had actually worked out. The tealhead was grateful no one got accidentally burned, hurt or killed in the process.

 

They still have four more days before the festival last. And they still have to perform something — preferrably not even more embassing than what he's experiencing right now — at the very last day as a grand finale and as what Aida-sempai planned. But that's for sooner.

 

Sent from: Akashi-kun  
Message body: Tetsuya, I'll be meeting Furihata-kun for coffee the next Saturday.

 

Sent to: Akashi-kun  
Message body: I extend my utmost congratulations to you for finally growing the balls and asking Furihata-kun out, Akashi-kun. You're a grown man now.

 

Sent from: Akashi-kun  
Message body: Please maintain awareness of your language, Tetsuya. Taiga's barbaric tendencies had influenced you dearly. Also, that's rich coming from you, considering that you're still yet to 'grow the balls' and ask him out.

 

Sent to: Akashi-kun  
Message body: I'm already working on it, Akashi-kun. Please enjoy the rest of your sleepless night thinking of Furihata-kun. Also, please don't forget to send us invitations for the wedding.

 

Send from: Akashi-kun  
Message body: That's... preposterous... But I'll take that to account. Thank you.

 

Kuroko closed his phone with a faint smile on his lips. He quietly observed his teammates as they packed up for the next day of the festival.

 

Tommorow was another day of adventure.

 

Kagami-kun didn't look bad in a dress suit and dark vest either.

 

A felicitous day indeed.

 

***

**Author's Note:**

> Please share your feelings here!
> 
> Soooooo... I'm kind of finding someone who could proofread my works and stuff? I'm kind of forgetfull and I need someone who could point out plot holes.
> 
> Who's in? (One or two is already enough :3)
> 
> Please add your email in the comments~ Love ya all~


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